Rise and Fall on this year

It’s been awhile I did not update this blog; it’s all because of twitter. I twit a lot!!! Its Like I’m updating everything on twitter.

This year I had a roughs start, peoples getting nasty backstabbing, manipulating and on and on and on.

After the crazy moment, and I am introduce to a new “MULTITASKING” environment which I’m not good at it. At first I am so negative about everything and think that I could not handle it at all. It turns out fine and I make it though.

I have to thanks some people anonymously for me to have this opportunity to experience this kind of environment, and we almost succeed in a match (though the panel is a nuts that not good in evaluate the complexity of our work).

After the crazy moment, then the surprise moment is about to start (well is not that surprise but there is some surprise element into it, I think). Surprisingly I went to a holiday and that is not in calendar and it’s come out in a sudden from my friend. The trip was adventurous for me, but there are some nasty incident happens too.

Before I’m in higher education, I never had a birthday wishes from anyone because everyone is so

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(You know I so specific about it) but now I get texted, or even received some gift from my friends. Things had been tremendously changed and it become better and better.

And last night it’s awesome things are turns out as I was planned, and it’s good everything is working out, though some people might not happy with it or might think I’m manipulative (hey if you know what I’m talking about, well I’m talking about you [[YEAH THINGS GET’S PERSONAL]]).

And good news is, “I’M NOT A COMPLETE SOCIAL AWKWARD”. Though some asshole still think it is.

Ubelivable crazy from you

every time i do something, the first respond must be something negative and try to convince me not to do it. i have to argue with with than man and on and on and on.......

well i'm old enough to make my own decision, and in fact this might be my opportunity of the life time (to me) .

opportunity is not always there, when you have it, you must quickly grab it. i'm lucky enough to have this opportunity i don't want to screw this up.

but obstacle keep coming on and on and on, what i gonna do it's not supported, every time i mention i gonna try this, I'm gonna do that. after that a big pile of cold water splash it to your body..... leave you into a cold cold situation.

Felling not awesome, not terrible, and it's empty

Being an average person, em... okay average it's overrated for those who know me. I always keep chasing my dream and I’m starting to wonder do I really want this?

Sometime I think I am the most immature person around the people I know. Oh my gosh, I’m that lame, do I?

I just wonder do all people feel like that or it’s just me? Sometimes I just feel I just want this to be over and have a good ending. If I do a reality check it’s impossible to have a so much “happy ending”.

I spend so much time trying to control everything around me, but the truth is the more I did so the more it gets worst, now I fell so damn tired and had no clue in my life. Some people in relatives have such as high hope to me, that’s put me a lot’s of pressure.

Some time I just want to give in, and leave everything behind but if u keep holding on take a deep breath and continue then it’s over and you will be glad u did not did so.

We all in the dark

When you are little, nighttime is scary because there are monsters hiding right under the bed. When you get older, the monsters are different... self-doubt, loneliness, regret and though you may be older and wiser, you still find yourself scared of the dark.

But for so many of us, sleep seems out of our gasp. We want it, but we don't know how to get it

But once we face our demons, face our fears and turn to each other for help nighttime isn't so scary because we realize aren't all alone in the dark.

I get my strengh back.

I made a commitment back to few years ago, and somehow I just forget it and I got lost a bit, actually is more than a bit.

I just forget why I'm doing this, why I'm continue further study, why I'm work harder than others, why I had to better than everyone else.

At these years, I kind of lost, lost of confidence, lost of perseverance, terrified by making risky choices and loss of my personality.

While today, one of my old buddy just had remind me what's driven me this far. I'm glad that I'm reminded that I had to be driven all the time and that's given me strength; give me more confidence and a better human being.

Choices & fear

Some times, we like to think we're independent, loners, mavericks, that all we need to do our jobs is a computer and a challenging task but the truth is, not even the best of us can do it alone. Programming, like life, is a team sport and eventually, you've got to get off the bench and decide what team are you batting for ?

The thing about choosing teams in real life, it's nothing like it used to be in PE class. Being first pick can be terrifying and being chosen last... isn't the worst thing in the world.

So we watch from the sidelines, clinging to our isolation because we know as soon as we let go of the bench, someone comes along and changes the game completely.

we like to think we're fearless, eager to explore unknown lands and soak up new experiences but the fact is, we're always terrified. May be the terror is part of the attraction, like some people go to horror movies.

And at the end of the day, isn't that what you'd rather hear about ? if you got one drink and one friends and 45 minutes ? Smooth rides make for boring stories, "a little calamity" that's worth talking about.

Sorry

remember when we were little, and we would accidentally bite a kid on the playground ? Our teacher would go, "say you're sorry".

And we would say it, but we wouldn't meant it. Because the stupid kid we bit ? Totally deserve it.

But as we get older, making amends isn't so simple. After the playground days are over, you can't just say it. You have to mean it.

As student, we can't undo our mistakes, and we rarely forgive ourselves for them, but it's hazard of the trade. But as human beings, we can try to do better, to be better, to right a wrong even when it feels irreversible.

Of course "I'm sorry" doesn't always cut it. May be we use it so many different ways as a weapon, as an excuse.

But when we are really sorry, when we use it right, when we mean it, when our action say what words never can, when we get it right, "I'm sorry" is perfect.

When we get it right, "I'm sorry" is redemption.